


Calm, Cool, Collected

by Charlotte351



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anxiety, Dueling, Magic, Marauders Era (Harry Potter)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 10:06:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29330514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Charlotte351/pseuds/Charlotte351
Summary: James Potter was a fairly straightforward guy. That's why he was so likeable. You got what you saw with him. He was easy-going, funny, good looking. He was perfect.The stress of the impending war is affecting everyone. It's kind of hard to stay calm when you are constantly worried about the next issue of the newspaper bearing the names of the dead, or an attack on the castle. It's even worse on top of preparing for NEWTs. Some people are better at hiding the chinks in their armor than others.
Relationships: Remus Lupin & James Potter, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin & Peter Pettigrew & James Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 1
Kudos: 15





	Calm, Cool, Collected

**Author's Note:**

> This is a oneshot because I can't commit to anything longer than that. Call it a superpower. Had this idea at 1:56am and wrote it at 1:57am. It is now 4:40am and in your hands. Do with it what you will.
> 
> Also had an idea to do this from the other character's perspectives, since I love James so much lol. Please let me know if there would be interest in that! If so, you can expect a story within the next 3-5 business years.
> 
> I hope you enjoy! Please leave any and all criticisms in the comments! I don't always respond but my self-obsessed ass DOES always read them, so thank you so much!

Remus had a feeling today was gonna be terrible.

Well, to be fair, it wasn’t terrible  _ yet _ . Though, it was well on its way. 

He supposed he should start at the beginning. The morning had been disastrous. All four boys had slept in late, with James and Sirius nearly missing Quidditch practice, Remus running late to his morning study session with Lily and Marlene (James had not let that one go), and Peter simply feeding into the anxious energy in the room. The dorm was full of cursing under breath and rushing around each other. Eventually, thankfully, they all got out the dormitory door and to their respective activities. 

The study session had gone well enough, and afterwards Remus met with the rest of the Marauders for breakfast in the Great Hall. It was Tuesday, and they all had off the first block, so they spent the rest of the period messing around on the staircases. Bewitching the stairs to reverse their order was enough fun that Remus nearly forgot all about the trouble that morning. And if James’s hair stuck up a little more than usual, well, no one was brave enough to mention it.

Things held well enough until it was time to go to class. Remus and James had Arithmancy, but Peter and Sirius had Ancient Runes, so they went their separate ways and headed to class. James and Remus had a different type of friendship than Remus had with the other boys. It was quiet. James didn’t act out as much when it was just Remus. If he had to chance a guess, he would bet that James had picked up on his dislike for the spotlight, and adjusted his classroom disruptions accordingly.

Remus very much appreciated it.

Arithmancy seemed to pass without incident. Well, Remus  _ thought  _ it did. As it happens, the whole time Remus had been paying attention to the lesson, James’s temper had been steadily rising. Across the room, Snivellus sat with his wand just below the desk, whispering spells underneath his breath to control the quill in James’s hand, forcing it to jerk and ruin the notes James was attempting to take. His parchment was a mess of splattered ink and haphazard lines across the page.

James was fuming. Not outwardly. Never outwardly.

Remus had noticed over the years that James rarely showed his anger to anyone. The only time Remus had seen James truly angry was within the safety of their own (soundproofed) dorm, when he had scream-ranted for one straight hour about the shortcomings of the Quidditch team. Then, once he had finished, he had taken a deep breath, closed his eyes, thanked them for listening, and went to bed. There was not a single peep from his bed until the next morning. Even Sirius was speechless, and that git never shut up.

But other than that, James kept a relatively cool head. Perhaps more accurately, James kept the  _ appearance  _ of a clear head. To anyone who cared enough to look, he seemed perfectly calm. At ease, even, with the boyish smirk permanently set across his features and the playful glint in his eyes. James had “calm, cool, and collected” down to a science.

But Remus knew him better by now. The hard set of his shoulders, fist clenched so tightly his knuckles were white, foot tapping so fast that it was shaking the desk they shared. Snape jerked his wand again and James’s hand went flying, which James played off with a small laugh and a toss of his head. Snape looked upset for a second, resolving to try harder.

Arithmancy went by like that, with Snape messing with James and James pretending like he didn’t care. James couldn’t afford to get in trouble in this class again, given the events that had taken place last month. Nancy Toomes hadn’t gotten the bird saliva smell out of her hair for three days after that stunt. So, James just had to sit and take Snape’s torment.

Remus leaned over. “D’ya want me to do something?” he asked quietly. He really would rather not, but he knew if the positions were reversed that James would be hexing Snape into oblivion, regardless of punishment. It was the type of person he was. 

“Nah. Slimy toad isn’t worth your perfect record, Moony,” James whispered back through gritted teeth. Remus thought about reminding James that his record was just as tarnished as his, but elected to remain silent instead.

Mercifully, the class ended not long after. Remus was honestly wondering how much longer James would be able to passively take Sniv and his Grease Squad laughing at him from across the room, but it seemed like they wouldn’t need to find out. All they had to do was clear the door and then they were home free, off to lunch to destress.

“All they have to do” is always a fucking trainwreck.

Snape was waiting for them outside the classroom. The slug with legs was leaning against the stone wall, a smirk on his face that looked more like he smelled something bad, most likely coming from his own shoes. He fell into step on the other side of Remus as they passed.

“Afternoon, Thing 1 and 2” Snape quipped with venom flooding his tone. “James, I saw you were having a bit of trouble with the lesson today. Maybe you need to think about retaking those remedial writing lessons, huh?” Snape finished loudly, the Slytherins down the hall echoing in laughter.

James laughed as well, sounding forced only to Remus. “Oh, you think so Snape? I didn’t realize you stared at me so much. At least ask me to dinner first.”

Snivellus wrinkled his nose, passing on a response. As much as he hated Snape, Remus often found his interactions with James interesting. When Sirius was around, the situation was always volatile, each boy moments away from slinging a curse at the other. When it was just James and Snape, the atmosphere was much cooler, each jab taken under layers of sarcasm. It was a whole different ball game.

Snape stepped out in front of them, stopping them short. “Well, James, as much as I love dirtying my robes by being in your presence, I’m actually here to speak with your little lapdog.”

Remus instantly bristled. Snape knew. They all knew Snape knew about Remus’s… condition. He made it clear every time he saw him. But James and SIrius had done something back in fourth year to shut him up. Remus wasn’t sure what, but it worked. They assured Remus that Snape would never talk, and that was that. Remus trusted them.

Just because he couldn’t tell anyone, didn’t mean he couldn’t throw it in Remus’s face at every chance he got. Remus fixed him with a bored stare.

“Snivellus, I am honored you have decided to grace my life with your presence today. My only request is that we make this quick. I know if you stand in one place too long, your hair creates a puddle of grease on the floor, and we wouldn’t want to create a falling hazard,” Remus returned dryly.

Snape laughed tightly, again refusing to rise to the bait. It seemed it was all business today.

“Right. Well, it has come to my attention that you have received an invitation to be a part of the Slug Club. Slughorn himself wanted me to inform you that it was a mistake. The offer has been rescinded, on account of your… murky heritage.”

Remus wanted to throw up.

Blood status was a hot topic of debate at Hogwarts currently. Just last week there had been a murder, a young wizard couple living in a quaint muggle town. They had been slashed to bits, their blood used to paint a large “MUDBLOOD” sign across the side of their house. It had made the front page of all muggle and wizard newspapers.

Everyone here knew who was a mudblood and who wasn’t. Even so, being called out like this was a little scary. The bullying in school had taken a deliberate blood status turn. It was almost like the pure bloods were on the hunt, outing and humiliating all of the mudbloods and “blood traitors.” It often got violent. It was sickening. Of course, the faculty did nothing about it.

Remus swallowed thickly, maintaining composure. This interaction was simply a matter of composure. Calm, cool, collected. Calm. Yeah, right. 

Just a Remus was about to respond with a witty retort that he was hoping would come to him as he spoke, James spoke up.

“I’m sorry, Snivellus. I must have misheard you. Can you repeat whatever bullshit just oozed out of that chasm you call a mouth?” James said, his voice low and his face bright.

Snape’s face flushed red. “Forget your hearing aids, Potter? I said Remus didn’t make it into the Slug Club. There was a mistake.”

“Oh, you see, Semen, I find that funny, because I happen to know that Remus has better grades than you, and  _ you’re _ in the Slug Club. So, if you wouldn’t mind, could you perhaps enlighten me as to why my friend Remus here wasn’t accepted, but your dumbass was?” James said, his voice getting louder.

At the new nickname, Snape’s face flashed. “James, seems as though that head has taken a few too many knocks in Quidditch, eh? I told you.”

“Repeat it. For old time’s sake.” James’s voice was low.

“He’s a filthy fucking Mudblood. No self respecting wizard would willingly invite that half-breed anywhere.”

The hall was silent. It seemed like everyone had found some reason to stop and listen to the exchange. Snape shifted uncomfortably in the silence.

James smiled. “You see, Sniv, that's  _ exactly  _ what I thought you said!”

Before Remus even knew what was happening, James’s wand was out and fired. Snape had no time to react before he was blown back by a jet of light, flying down the hallway and nearly into the mass of scattering kids. He slid on the ground, but Remus lost sight of the situation as James gave him a hard shove to the side of the hall, forcing Remus to find his footing.

By the time he looked up again, the second and third spell had been shot already. Most of the kids who had been watching were rushing to clear out. Despite how clear headed James was alone, when he and Sirius were allowed to play off each other, the exchanges almost always became violent. Their impromptu hallway duels with Snape and his goons were legendary.

Remus noticed that James wasn’t shooting any of his “soft” spells. Nothing that would make Snape embarrassed or the butt of a joke. James was looking to injure, and so was Snape. 

The two were picking up now, firing spells quickly at the other. Dust and debris rained down from the impact of redirected spells, the glass shattering from the windows on the right side of the hall. Snape’s boys down the hall looked anxious, like they wanted to draw their wands and make this be over with. The longer they were here, the more likely they were to be caught by a teacher.

Moments later, James got the drop on Snape. He blocked one spell and shot two others, catching Snape by surprise and lifting him into the air once more. He wasn’t thrown far, just enough for him to lose his footing. 

Instead of disengaging and leaving, like, you know, the smart thing to do, James lowered his wand, stalking towards the still recovering Snape. It was then that Remus realized that he had underestimated how angry James was. He was practically steaming, his usually kind face turned hard and furious. Remus wanted to intervene, but he was also a little nervous about getting in between James and his fury right now.

James grabbed Snape by the collar of his robes, easily hefting him up and throwing him against the wall, his feet dangling off the floor. James wasn’t that much taller than Snape, but he seemed to tower over him.

James leaned in and began speaking in a low, threatening whisper. If Remus really wanted to, he could tap into his “special” hearing and listen. But, for some reason, he wasn’t especially inclined. Even more so when Snape’s face paled dramatically, his usually white face turning a light shade of gray. Remus wondered if there was any blood actually left in his body.

James released Snape and took a step back, reaching over and straightening Snape’s collar before socking him directly in the face. Hard. Snape crumpled to the ground, his hands fluttering around what was sure to be a black eye in the morning. James turned and began walking back to Remus, muttering a spell to clean up the hallway on his way. Not one hair was ruffled. He was the picture of calm again.

“ _ Sectumsempra! _ ”

Remus would never tell James, but he is impressed by him often. Despite the playboy, “devil may care” attitude that he and Sirius tried so desperately to market, deep down, they were nerds. They both loved magic and learning, and they both did their best in school, getting top marks always. It was something Remus always admired about the pair. It was something that Remus was always thankful for, too. It made them incredibly dangerous to cross.

He didn’t even see James move. One second, he was cooly, calmly, utterly collectedly, walking back to retrieve his books. The next, he was facing down the hall, looking absolutely bored, the remnants of Snape’s spell crashing into the ceiling. James had blocked it.

Snape took a moment to process, before turning beet red and getting up in a fuss. He didn’t say anything as he marched past them, just stomped down the hall and pushed through his friends, who followed hesitantly. Remus supposed it must be hard for them, trying to make a decision on their own. Eventually, it was just Remus and James in the hall.

After collecting his things, James turned and began walking to the Great Hall, expecting Remus to follow. They walked in silence, James’s breathing the only thing disturbing the quiet. As they turned the corner, James stopped and put his hands on his knees, his breath coming even faster. He turned to Remus and laughed, and it sounded a bit more crazed than usual.

“D’ya see that, mate? Did you hear that last spell?” James breathed out heavy again, straightening as he began pacing the width of the hallway, his fingers dragging through his hair over and over.

“That’s the one he used last week on that poor second year. She- she- bloody hell, my heart is beating so fucking fast, I don’t- she’s in the hospital wing, damn near bled out on the stairs. Did you hear ab- holy  _ fuck _ \- about it? Pomfrey said if they had been a minute later-” James’s pacing had taken a quicker cadence, his eyes blinking unusually hard.

Remus was at a loss. He’d seen James through a lot of shit. He’d seen him happy, sad, angry, but never like  _ this _ . Remus had never,  _ ever _ seen the James Potter panic. He distantly recognized that just because he hadn’t seen it, didn’t mean it didn’t happen. In fact, if Remus was a little clearer in the head at the moment, he would have remembered that just last week, when Sirius had crawled into Remus’s bed and closed the curtains, and they lay there and talk, Sirius had mentioned he had to talk James down in the locker room after a match. Something about missing a clear shot and that meaning he had to step down as captain. If only Remus could remember what Sirius had done to calm him down. All Remus could remember was the way Sirius’s lips were teasing him, talking and talking and refusing to come closer and-

Right. Ok. Focusing.

“And what the  _ fuck _ was that about? Saying you’re out of the Slug Club? If that’s true, I swear to _ God _ I am gonna- he won’t even see it coming and- I think, holy  _ shit _ Moony, I think-” James was breathing a lot faster now, and it seemed like he was using the wall to fully support himself.

Remus finally decided to be of use in this situation. Grabbing the books James had discarded on the floor, Remus grabbed his friend’s hand and led him to the hidden alcove behind a tapestry down the hall, casting a silencing charm to give them a bit of privacy. James sat on the bench across from Remus, his face flushed and eyes wild.

Remus distantly wondered if the great James Potter was having an anxiety attack.

James was rambling. “Moony, my notes are destroyed. I didn’t hear a  _ thing  _ today. And I can’t get in trouble again, not so close to the painted busts thing, but here we are! There is no way, and I mean  _ no way  _ that someone doesn’t rat me out. And that fucking  _ duel  _ in the hallway? Are you ki- holy fuck- are you kidding me? The way he was- and I know he’s gonna- I’m so  _ sick-” _

“James!” Remus interrupted the rambling, grabbing his shoulders and meeting his eyes. “It’s ok. You’re alright, I’m alright. Let’s take a second, ok? Let’s just, ah, sit… for a bit. Ok?”

James looked like a deer in the headlights for a moment, which wasn’t unusual. He finally seemed to take stock of what was going on. His shoulders relaxed and he gave a breathless laugh.

“Guess I got a bit carried away, eh?” he joked, his tone anything but humorous, he turned his gaze to the ground, and finally put his head in his hands and just sat there, eventually returning his breathing to a normal pace. Remus decided to let him.

Minutes went by, and Remus busied himself by studying the wall. He felt a bit awkward, but he supposed that is simply how this type of situation felt.

Eventually, James raised his head. He gave another empty laugh.

“Alright?” Remus asked.

“Yeah I’m- uh fine. Just a lot going on, I guess,” James answered uncomfortably. He was embarrassed.

Remus honestly felt bad for James. Being the “golden boy” of Gryffindor had its downfalls, he guessed. Granted, he wasn’t exactly sure what they were, but he assumed they existed. 

Remus watched silently as James gathered himself. Slipped another “heartbreaker” smile on. Tousled his hair to perfection. It was kind of sickening.

“You know, if you want to talk or something, we- we can. I hear I’m a great listener,” Remus muttered quietly. 

James stopped, nearly freezing in place. Another hollow chuckle. “Moony, I-” a forced laugh, “I appreciate the concern but-” he spread his arms wide, theatrical. Always the showman. “I’m the picture of health! These old bones still have some mileage in them. You don’t have to worry about me, old man.”

“Right. Of course. I just mean, if something were to happen that you would want to talk about and then never mention again, I would be open. It’s not like I do much else anyway.”

James gave Remus a considering look, his eyes full of something Remus couldn’t name. He smiled, more to himself, before taking a deep breath. 

“Well, you know how I love secrets. And, of course, I simply adore your company. I guess- I think I will take you up on that offer,” James said, his tone light but his gaze heavy. “That is, of course, as long as this little conversation can stay between us. I have a reputation to uphold, you know? I can’t have the people out there thinking that James Potter is so weak as to have… feelings. Right?” he finished softly.

“Quite,” Remus said.

“Excellent,” James said quietly as he smiled and sat down.


End file.
